It occurs to me that the drive in the 90s to get Christian kids to stop listening to secular music completely missed the mark, though it was very well intentioned.
1) The music was as poisonous as any parent said. All one need do is look at the number of musicians who, like their 60s and 70s predecessors, committed suicide or died by drug overdose. Let us not forget how many have been discovered to be sexual predators, as well. From the depths of the heart, the mouth speaks. The music was poison flowing from people dying in their own poison. Why then did a generation of parents who warned their kids fail to yield much in the way of effective results? Isn’t being right enough? No. It’s simply not.
That brings us to point 2:
2) Few of the parents ever really understood how to lead their families out of the mess that a sinful world creates. Why? Because the church failed to disciple them. In my experience as a young man in church, when I was in church, the leadership simply said, “THOU SHALT NOT” and that was supposed to be enough. Simply issuing a command isn’t enough when you’re leading a church or a family. One must lead FROM THE FRONT. And how can we lead if we, ourselves, are not being lead? That is to say, it cannot be some arbitrary decision or effort. We must have continuous serious heart change flowing from our reasoning. For the Christian, that wellspring of reasoning from where change flows must be rooted in one’s relationship with the Lord. He is the engine behind all that we do and all that we become!
If any Christian parent wants their children to have a heart change, they must experience a heart change. They must demonstrate heart change! It’s really very simple: MODEL TRANSFORMATION. Now clearly, there are no guarantees that your kids will do exactly what you do. I mean, Jesus lost Judas, and He is literally God in the flesh. However, the power of His example lead the other 11 disciples to shake the world by living out His example. That’s how children learn and grow: by the examples lived out in front of them.
So, to that point, if my leadership is arbitrary and based in superficial reasoning, they will recognize this and reject it because we are THINKING CREATURES. We need to know WHY and HOW. If my leadership is naturally flowing out of how I’m growing every day in my understanding, if they see me course correct based on what I’ve learned from scripture, based in this new information and understanding rooted in my progress as a disciple, if they see me admit fault, repent, apologize, and seek to make amends, if they see my ever-growing understanding drive out impure things, they are likely to do the same. They are likely to do the same if they can see the why behind our transformation. They need to see Jesus at work in us!
How effective is that? Well, from personal experience I can say that no one has influenced me toward the Lord more than my own Dad whom I have watched grow from someone I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with into a powerful man of God. All of this happened after I was grown and out of the house. He didn’t walk perfectly. He simply walked and walked openly. He confessed his sins and mistakes to my brother and me. He course-corrected. He infuriated me at times and sometimes still does, but I see him ever growing as a loving, generous, and good man. All because the Lord is with him. I saw Jesus in him, transforming him, and it was the evidence I needed to believe. I turned from drinking myself to death and sought the change I was witnessing in him.
So let me say this as plainly as possible: as a parent, your walk is your weapon against the darkness. Rules may help to some degree, but there is nothing more powerful than your personal example of growth through discipleship. Worry less about the rules you implement. They have their uses, and they are important. However, they are not the most powerful tool in your arsenal. Your personal walk with the Lord lived out openly before your family is.
You are the testimony of the reality of God to your own children. Never forget that. Seek first His kingdom, always.
Lord bless you and your family.
